How Did This Happen To Me?

Remember I told you I went to California to see my middle daughter and her family with my oldest daughter and her family by car from Florida to San Diego. I ended up with blood clots in both lungs going from my legs. Well they had found a small mass in the upper right lobe of my lung. Yes it is cancer. Very small, the size of a dime. Today I went to the oncologist after a month of poking and prodding and test after test. I was expecting maybe it had grown a little bit, but never what he told me, it was bad, really bad, I don’t think he could have come up with a worse diagnoses. That little spot had metastatic into bone cancer. I was now facing chemotherapy, radiation, and who knows what else! The surgery I was supposed to have to remove the lung cancer and be done with it is now not happening and I am now in the fight of fights for my life! How Did This Happen? I go to the doctors more than anyone I know, I have test run on everything, blood work constantly. How did this get missed? I kept telling doctor after doctor about how bad my bones hurt, why didn’t they listen to me? It’s arthritis, menopause, oh, the best one, I’m shopping for pain meds! I cried today, hard. For the first time I really cried. Because I was going to miss my grandchildren growing up. They are people now, not babies and I just saw the first one graduate from high school and there are 11 more to see do the same and I don’t want to miss that, and I want to see all six of the girls in their wedding dresses. I took it for granted before that I would be here for all of those special moments and next May will be my 40th wedding anniversary. I had always said I would see 75 years of marriage. Now I can’t plan for anything. How can I do this? I’m a type A personality, I plan everything and keep lists and lists of lists.

I suppose the only thing to do is pull up my straps and get ready for the battle. Shake off the pity party and fight as hard as I can so I can be here for those grandchildren!

I’ll make soap! My therapy! but not tonight, I can’t think about it today,

After all, tomorrows another day!

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